January/February, 2022  

Understanding and Transforming the Need to Please

Kay Fittes, February, 2022

Strains of the Rick Nelson song, Garden Party, float through my head, “You see, you can’t please everyone, so you’ve got to please yourself.”  If you are not familiar with the song, take a minute to listen, Garden Party.  Am I being overly dramatic calling this article, Death by People-Pleasing?  I don’t think so!   [Read More]

Kay’s Consulting Corner

Each month in this section, Kay offers actionable career consulting tips.

Steps to Shedding Career-Robbing People-Pleasing

1. Daily Expression.  Reconnecting with your own wants, needs, opinions, and beliefs is foundational.  If you have done the exercise of identifying your wants and needs suggested in the lead article, you have gotten the ball rolling.  Now it is time to identify workplace beliefs and perspectives.  Perhaps, you have read the article by Francine Katsoudas on LinkedIn, “Meet the Great Resignation with Greater Empathy” and strongly agree with this perspective.  In your department meetings, this has never been discussed.  At the next meeting, bring this perspective to the table.  Start expressing perspectives or opinions you have daily.  You may be surprised by the sense of empowerment this gives you, plus, colleagues in your workplace will notice that you have contributions to make.
   
   
2. Daily “No.”  Saying “no” is a critical skill in managing your pleasing behavior.  Start with easy ones, someone asks you to go to lunch but you need to finish a report.  Don’t stress yourself, allow the time you need to complete this task.  Simply saying, “Wow, I would love to join you but right now I want to get this report knocked out.  Can I have a raincheck for Monday?”  I know it sounds easy but if your habit is to say “yes” to everything, to the exclusion of your own needs, it can be challenging.  Get creative and versatile with your “No” responses.  Check out Julia Kristina, M.A, Ways To Say No.  You will be amazed at the variety of ways you can graciously say “No.”
   
   
3. Daily Delay.  People-pleasers have never learned the art of the delay.  The delay is that ability to provide time to THINK!  Decisions need to be carefully weighed.  Let’s say you are in a professional association, and they have asked you to be their PR chair for next year.  How much time will it realistically take?  Given what is currently on your plate, is this good timing for you?  Is this position a good match for your strengths?  Do you respect the people you would be working with?  Sooooo many questions that take time and consideration to answer.  It is critical that you give yourself ample time to make a considered answer.  The bigger the decision, the longer you need to delay.  Likely, you have an automated “Yes” response, now it is time to create an automated delay response.  Even if you know your answer, get in the habit of delaying by saying, “I will have to get back to you on that.”  Automatic can become your friend versus your enemy!

Did these tips seem like just a drop in the bucket, given your ingrained people-pleasing behavior?  Need a partner in coping with this and other behaviors that are undermining your career?  When you coach with me, I become your partner in change.  Unsure if this would be right for you?

Email me at kay@highheeledsuccess.com or call (513) 561-4288 and we will set up a time for a complimentary 45-minute consultation and we’ll see if we are a fit.

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Testimonial

Kay Fittes, CEO of High-Heeled Success, gave a presentation at our Toastmasters Area Open House on January 15, 2022, on the topic of “Setting a Vision and Achieving Your Goals in 2022: Cracking the Code for Goal Setting”.  Her talk provided value to both the men and women in the audience, regardless of age.  The audience really appreciated the opportunity to participate and felt that she cared about them personally.  One woman experienced a life-changing insight due to Kay’s talk.  Kay was willing to create a video commercial customized to this talk though it was both on short notice and at a difficult time for her.  She was incredibly easy to work with and responded to many last-minute questions with patience and professionalism.  I highly recommend Kay Fittes as a speaker.

Sincerely,

Veronica Sanford, January 29, 2022

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